Is God Enough?

                A few years ago our senior pastor asked me this question.  I was walking through the death of a close friend who died at a very young and I was distraught.  He told me that in my Christian walk, I needed to get to the point that if I lost everything that Jesus would be enough for me.  I think about that day often, especially now….

                I have pondered this idea so much since moving to Costa Rica.  We have faced physical suffering and difficulties, stress in our home, stress at school, and frustration just trying to learn the basics of the Spanish language.  We have faced loneliness and insecurities. 

                We knew who we were in the states.  My husband was a pastor and chaplain.  Our weeks were full of ministry and living life together with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We lived and shared life with an amazing community of church family/friends/and family.  I was Katie.  He was James.  Hannah was (and still is) our beloved daughter.  It was simple. 

                But here, life isn’t so simple.  Some days I grieve because others here will never know the James and Katie from the states.  Our new friends in Costa Rica have seen us at some very low points suffer through illness and struggle immensely to learn Spanish.  They know us in our immense weakness.  But they have been extremely gracious and loved us anyway.  I grieve because we are changing here and I wonder if friends and family will recognize our changed selves.  God is changing us, molding us, and we are clay. 

We know God is molding us more into his image but this process is humbling.  But we trust him.  We know we are his children and He holds us.  He knows the James and Katie who lived and ministered in Florida.  He knows the Katie and James who live here and try to minister here.  He knows the Katie and James who will live and minister in Ecuador.  He knows us and He loves us.  His plans are far greater than we can imagine. 

We are quickly realizing that we don’t have life figured out.  We were “good” at life in the States.  But we struggle here.  We struggle to learn Spanish.  We struggle to use correct vocabulary in a sentence.  We struggle with physical sickness.  We struggle to communicate.  We struggle with our attitudes. 

All the while, none of this surprises God.  He knows us better than ourselves.  He knew when he called us to Costa Rica to learn language that we do not and will not have all the answers.  He knew that we would be humbled and broken in such a way that we must cry out to him for help and strength.  He knew that we were not just coming here to learn language.  He knew the sin roots that He would begin to uproot as we walk through this language learning process.  We must look to him and trust him as our loving Father.  We must lay our life down daily.  We must choose that He is enough for us daily.

Last week at school we had time to pray and reflect in a chapel service.  I spent most of my time praying, questioning God.  I can see that my husband is a world changer.  I can see that he will change the life of farming pastors in Ecuador through relationship and discipleship.  He has the experience.  He has the education. 

But, I’m just me.  I questioned why God would send me here?  I questioned why I faced so much physical illness.  I questioned why He would even choose to send me.  I told God that I wasn’t a world changer.  I never will be.  I will probably live a simple life as a wife and mother and die a simple death.  By the world’s standards, I will probably never amount to anything of significance. 

A few days later God pierced my heart greatly as I listened to a sermon on meekness.  God quietly but strongly spoke to my heart.  My anger about never being a “world changer” was a pride issue.

 God chose to send me and my family for His purposes, not my own.   I am not on this journey because it’s about me.  But I am on this journey to give glory to God.  By God’s grace I play a very small role in God’s big story.  Would I be ok if I live a simple life with Christ as my portion and I love my family and others well? Is this enough?  Is it enough to simply love God and love people?

 My heart was pierced as I realized that if Christ is my portion and He is enough, then my life will reflect that.  This process begins in my heart and should overflow into our home with my husband and daughter.  I must love Christ and He must be my portion and enough for me.  Then and only then can I begin to truly love my husband, daughter, and others with the love of Christ. 

So, the Lord is my portion.  I must rise every day and walk in right relationship with Him.  He must be enough for me each day in each moment, in each minute, in each hour.  I must not worry about what each day might entail.  He, by the power of His Spirit, will give me the grace I need for each situation that day.  I must constantly depend on him.  I must moment by moment choose to trust in Him and his plan. 

Our family is just a small part of God’s grand and beautiful plan to bring the gospel to the nations.  We are just ordinary people who answered the call to go and make disciples.  We, by no means, are qualified.  However, we take hope and comfort in the fact that God’s Power is made perfect in our weakness.   We must decide daily... 

“The Lord is our portion. Jesus in enough.”  

Last week in chapel, one of our worship leaders led us to reflect upon these verses...

“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;

 His mercies never come to an end;

They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, therefore I will hope in him.”

Lamentations 3:23-24

I am thankful that God’s love for us never ceases, even when we are at our worst.  I am thankful for his new mercies each day and for His faithfulness in our lives. I am thankful for our families who love and support us.  I am thankful for an amazing sending church family who encourages us and prays for us! I am so thankful for our “rope holders” who pray for us and support us to the ministry God has called us to do!

  I am thankful for amazing friends in Costa Rica and in the states who share in our journey.  I am thankful to learn Spanish with three special friends and classmates who have been a blessing to me. We have shared struggles, victories, and tears.  These ladies are a gift from the Lord!

  I am thankful for next door neighbors turned close friends who are truly sent by God. They have cared for and loved our family well. We could not have survived this first trimester and we are so thankful that they are now close friends!  They have ministered to our hearts and souls so very much!

 I am thankful for the chance to communicate with close friends and family in the states.   I am thankful for the community of believers at ILE. I am thankful for new friends whom we have traveled with and spent time with!  I am thankful for chapel services that refocus my hearts affection and my minds attention on Jesus Christ.  I am thankful for teachers who teach us Spanish because they have a passion for the gospel to go to Latin and South America.  I am thankful for sweet and encouraging ladies to study the Bible with on Monday mornings and Tuesday afternoons. I am thankful for the laughter and spirit of our sweet daughter that the Lord gave to us.  I am thankful for a husband who has taken great care of me in the middle of physical suffering. 

The Lord is so faithful to us, even in the midst of our struggles. He has blessed us immensely and loves us more than we will ever know! The Lord is our portion and we must hope in Him.  He knows the beginning, the middle, and the end.  He is faithful and He is good. We can trust our loving heavenly Father to lead us and guide us how and where he chooses.

So dear friend/reader, who are you placing your hope in? Is Jesus your portion?  Is he enough for you? Let us pray to the end that Jesus becomes our portion and more than enough for us!